re cap: FREE

a year ago today i was so hurt
I was filled with anger and felt so betrayed
I thank God for healing and delivering me
I feel so free I feel the old me
all of the things that I felt were missing or lacking are back!
I got all my stuff
the truth is i gave him too much power
he never had my stuff
i had it the whole time and didnt realize it
On December 27th 2011 I am FREE!!
I AM CONFIDENT, WHOLE, INTELLIGENT, SASSY, AND FILLED WITH JESUS!
no ned to look back and think about all it was and how good it was anymore
no need to hold on to the hurt anymore
vengance is the lords!
It's about time these chains got broken!
i thought about feeling sad but something inside wouldnt let me
i got joy
and baby im not even mad at cha!
see you helped me see that by putting all my effort into making us work then
I realized it was hurting me
you helped me get my sass and all that is me back!!!
so THANK YOU!
i cannot tell a lie i love you
but with the love of the lord
i have to save up my special love for someone who deserves it!
and that person wont be perfect but they will respect me!
so on DECEMBER 27TH 2011 YOU NO LONGER HAVE A HOLD ON MY HEART!
i have decided to give the Lord that area of my life!
no more hoping wishing praying that we will reunite
im looking out for me now baby
MY GOD!it feels so good to be free :)!!!

love is not about who impressed you the most but who your willing to fight for even though you feel their character hasnt impressed you the most - original

Michele's elegy

When you walked away I searched for you
Day and night evening and noon time
When you left my sight I longed for you
I felt like my soul led a thousand person search for you
Flash lights street lights still I looked
I did not realize that you were captured by Gods light
He took you away to his heavenly realm
His love overshadowed the fact that I wanted you to stay with me
He knew you were hurting and tired so he wrapped you in his blanket of love
It took me sometime to forgive this notion that you were gone
Although we hadn’t talked in so long I missed the thought of you accessibility
Your love shines within me as a trophy of honor
Your strength lives within me
This is from me to you
Sometimes even after four years I still search for you
When im at graduation ill be looking for you
When I get married ill be looking for you
Just like you never left
Your spirit will reside in my heart
So if your up there watching I just want to let you know
ill be looking,searching, longing everywhere I go

my first time

my first time
uncomfortable
unusual
i had never felt this way before
i had never left anything in that place never let that thing invade my space
until i heard how effective it was
the praises that were sung of it

curious and nervous i tried it
i opened myself and let it in
to stay for a little while
i did not feel the initial impact until it emerged its self within me
i wanted the feeling to stop
but i let it stay only to intrude my body a little while longer
it felt right but it didn't at the same time
i had finally reached another level of womanhood
this act proved my maturity
i will never forget it
my first time

Searching to Find

on a search to find something thats missing
hoping that it reveals its self
whatever it is needs to be replenished replaced or revived
because there is a void that needs to be filled
something is missing
seriously searching for what is missing
maybe you can help me....

my family &hearts:
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Trust

maybe I told to much
only time will tell
maybe i showed too much
maybe im starting to care too much

either way im in too deep now to turn back
everything eel so out of wack
I told you everything you wanted to know
showed you feelings that promised to never show

yet you still treat me the same faultless un tainted
a crowned jewel upon rocks
only time will tell if you your view changed
it problably will

this is expected of you
you thought my innocence was in full bloom
and thats my fault
I should have told you before
I left you paint an image of me that was false

I had to feel you out
see what you were about
I had to see if I could trust you with my brain and heart
two very complex things
see although I love easily i have a hard time letting people in
when you tell you deepest darkest secrets to some men they take them and use them to their advantage

by the time you meet someone different the damage is already done
scorned by the emotional and verbal abuse you hide all of your deepest thoughts
afraid that your going to be laughed at ridiculed demeaned
so you keep it to yourself
even all of the love thats just waiting to burst out
is bottled inside because of the fear of rejection
so it stays inside
hidden from the world
hidden from her love
he mistakes it as her not caring when its actually the opposite
shes scared because she cares too much

everything was so simple in the beginning
you just have fun and live life
as time progresses to find that the day isnt complete with out hearing from them
you tell all of your dreams fears secrets mistakes and victories
hoping that theyll treasure this information the same way and when they do
your amazed
this is how I feel

you make me feel brand new
you make me feel like in able to trust again
you make it easier to forgive
you give me peace of mind

I feel at ease when Im with you
I feel comfortable
I feel like im the only girl in the world when you hold me at night
and I love when i try to move a way and your grip gets tight

so understand I wasnt intentionally hiding from you
I just had to make sure I could trust you with my mind heart and soul

some "things" I just wont do

i may do some wrong "things"
some hmm let me give her the side eye "things"
some oh she's a hoe "things"
some i heard she..."things"
but some "things" i will not do
you may be upset by this
confused by this
angered by this
but i learned from my mistakes
and im vowing to never turn back
i wanted someone so bad that i forgot to realize my true beauty
so honey
im sorry if you feel like i used you
i never meant to
i really like you
its just that some "things" i just wont do